Before you can calm down your children’s anxiety you must first learn to calm down yours first. Lead by example because you can’t put out a fire with another fire. There are different outlooks when it comes to the point of how much parents should talk to their kids about sex, managing money, etc. What I do know is that parents soon realize that their children pretty much know about everything – unless they have been caged up in a cave or sleeping under a rock all their lives. So it would definitely be best if children learned from their parents instead of from some where else.

By the way, children don’t always get it right on the first try, because they learn to understand things in their own little ways. But the majority of the time they know when something is wrong, so you can’t just hide it from them. You can talk with your husband or wife behind closed doors, speak softly on the phone to your best buddy, or even refuse to have any discussions about what’s bothering you when they are at home – Your kids are still going to know! They just feel the anxiety in the air, and they key in on it… But here’s the most terrible part – they understand it according to their own level of wisdom and way of thinking. As a result they get the most significant parts incorrect and come to very shocking conclusions.

If you aren’t chatting about their anxiety, or your own, or about the family’s money problems, chidren’s anxiety doesn’t just leave. It goes deep inside of them, where they handle it the best way they possibly can. If children can’t talk with parents about their fears, they take those uncertainties wherever they take their other concerns – to a friend or other family member, or maybe even to a much worse nightmare.

Damn, what’s a parent to do? Identify it, take responsibility for it, focus in on it.  First you should try it on yourself, and then use it with your children.

Identify it – What precisely are you nervous about? What’s your most horrible case situation, and what’s the likelihood of that? You know all those – “How am I ever going to” questions you’re freaking out about?  Turn those bogus questions into real life questions, with answers you just haven’t discovered yet.

Take responsibility for it – Make the issue yours. You may not have chosen to be fired from your job, but now that you are, come up with a plan to make things work for you and your family. Think about everything that could possibly be good about this situation, and how are you going to take full advantage of that? How are you and the family going to relive and share experiences that matter the most to you?  How are you going to choose what to give up, what to keep, and what to add to your life?

Focus in on it – What are the next steps to a flexible plan, with possibilities?  Use your children’s anxiety as a motivator to make best use of creativity and energy.  Schedule regular family meetings where everyone gets to offer suggestions on how to pull together more easily, make changes for the better, and have a great time in the process.

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